Monday, December 03, 2007

THRIFTSGIVING pt. 2

Part of my annual family get together, aside from gorging and disposing of vast quantities of cheap beer, is the much anticipated day-after trip to thriftlandia. Any trip that yields a velvety emotional Elvis is a good one.

As my cousin Zach postulated: maybe that's not a microphone but an onion.

Here is the winner of the Shiny Metallic Phallus! (c) Award. At first I thought this was some Big Lebowski reference, but then I saw the kid's expression as his Shiny Metallic Phallus! (c) thrusts into the sky, seeding the heavens, rocketing his payload into the ample bosom of space (eww) I knew better.

"Mixed Denim" sounds either like the name of a jazz fusion band playing in the corner of your hole-in-the-wall coffee shop ("Right, that was Mood Indigo and we're Mixed Denim and I'd like to give a shout out to my mom. And there's a special on banana-pumpkin mocha lattes") or the title of a blue jean magnate's autobiography (Mixed Denim: The Ned Wranglers Story)

Usually, my second hand slumming is a solo affair, but at thriftsgiving it's a family affair. Clearly they didn't know what they were getting in to.

Who knows, you might even run into a celeb on a thrift run. I pity the fool who doesn't buy his man-earrings second hand.

You know, there is an interesting thrift store-liquor store-donut shop nexus that I may explore at a later date.

Lots of liquor references this post. Just like a Hemingway novel, huh? Would you like a shot of Andrew Jackson or Mr. Bagpipes McHalf-head.

Something's not right with these two. It's almost too quiet. Nope, I wouldn't turn your back on this pair.

Now, this guy, Fright Sight Rath, or whatever, he looks like a fine, upstanding mummy. Mummies Alive! is kind of an oxymoron, though huh?

But wait a second! "Push my Leg!" and discover his "Monster Cobra Inside"? Yuck. Lots of phallic references this post, too.

"Honey, what time is it?"
"Well, dear, let me consult the doomsday clock. Looks like it's just about suppertime."
"Jesus, is it that late already?"

JESUS CLOCK a one act play by me.

Okay, lots of God in this post too. But wait, is this Our Lord Jesus Christ? Or...

Or is it...

You be the judge, but judge not lest ye be judged. Fight the power.


One thing this post hasn't had enough of is gay basketball. If you were hoping for some gay basketball, here you go. If you'd like I can turn the gayness up just a bit.

I think there's an album cover in this image somewhere. Like dead center. In the crotchal zone.

Well, eventually we all had to leave thriftlandia, mainly to by more booze. I can't decide which sign was more bizarre at the local grocery store. This one...

Or this. Great. Now I've got that song stuck in my head: "Shaving Cream, shaving cream; shave twice a day and you'll be nice and keen." And now you do too.

But it was not all fun and games and rainbows and scatological innuendos and phalluses (phallusi? phalluxen? A gaggle of phalluses? Eww).

No, my friends there was... MURDER! Murder most foul! Yes, Deborah killed an innocent (if pedestrian) bottle of Pinot Noir and got away scott free. Not pretty. Thriftstoring ain't easy.

42 comments:

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

Please tell me you bought that Last Supper Clock and gay basketball decanter (was that what it was?)! I just got home from a looong frustrating day at work and awakened my dog with my chortles from reading your blog.

Alas, I couldn't convince anyone to do Black Friday Thrfiting, so never made it. Next year, I'm going with you (if only virtually). Thanks for the belly yucks. XOX

eniksleestack said...

Glad you dug it, and give my apologies to your pooch.

Alas, the "Last Supper Clock" and the "gay basketball decanter" were left behind, no apocalyptic Christian fiction pun intended.

shy_smiley said...

Um, I actually own Fright Sight Rath. He's one of my son's favorite action figure bad guys. Bought him new in package at 22nd Street Thrift.

We went to Goodwill on Black Friday, too. But I didn't take pictures.

Happy Thrifting!

Anonymous said...

There are so many things to love about this post, I don't know where to begin!

VELVET + ELVIS = VELVIS

Jenny said...

OMG, I agree with Roxanne - so much to say that I don't even know where to begin!

Let me start by outting you... lol, except for the bald spot, you and your dad look exactly alike from the back! I can just see the identical gait as you saunter into Thriftlandia. LOL.

Second, um, what's up with Mr. T? Seriously, who did that? Fine piece of CG there, rofl. Ten bucks that will be D&K's Xmas card this year. ;)

And finally, that bit on The Dude was the most amazing masterpiece of allegory that I have ever had the pleasure - no wait, new word - opportunity to read. That should be on the box or something. ;)

Sue (Vintage Rescue) said...

OK, I've told everyone that will tolerate me about this post. I can't stop laughing about the liquor store pix and the "Murder! Most foul!" thang. Tell Deborah that I've sacrificed (viz. consumed) a bottle in an attempt at her redemption (possibly more). We're square in that department, except for the whole "fleeing the scene" thing.....

Anonymous said...

i can't believe you found Mr. T's long lost brother!!! ....and shaving cream? i think whipped cream would be a better combo with wine

eniksleestack said...

Thanks for all the kind words, but I'm going to get a swelled head. And then it would be hard to stay inconspicuous on my thrift store tours, much less get through the front door.

Anonymous said...

Bald spot?!? What bald spot?!?

eniksleestack said...

@dhuffy

See,the beauty of taking the pictures means I never have to be in them. ;)

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May said...

Glad you dug it, and give my apologies to your pooch. Alas, the "Last Supper Clock" and the "gay basketball decanter" were left behind, no apocalyptic Christian fiction pun intended.

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